July 2, 2018 – the day finally came; I was meeting my surgeon, Dr. H. today to get the results of my scans and discuss my options. He told me my MRI results came back…NORMAL!  BIG Exhale!  There was no evidence of cancer in my chest or abdomen area.  Dr. H asked me if I had read over the information packet he gave me and if I had any questions. I told him I read all the information in the packet and had decided I wanted to have a complete Mastectomy and Reconstructive Surgery. He looked at me very puzzled and asked me why I wanted to go so extreme with a double Mastectomy. I told him how I felt about never having to have a Mammogram again and never having to go through this horrifying nightmare again.

That’s when he dropped his atomic bomb!  – He looked at me, rubbing his chin, and said…”You really do not understand what type of cancer you have, do you?”  – I thought I was going to pass out! – I said “No! I don’t know anything about any type of cancer!” He said having a Mastectomy wasn’t going to matter because Triple Negative Ductal Carcinoma was a systemic disease – not a breast disease…it could have shown up anywhere in my body! He went on to say that we were very fortunate that it showed up in the beast because I am faithful with my yearly Mammograms…which is why they found it so early.

There went my plans for a total Mastectomy and moving on. There went my plans for not having to go through chemo and radiation. My hopes were completely crushed! I thought if I could have a total Mastectomy, I wouldn’t have to have yearly mammograms with all the anxiety that will come with it, and most importantly…no chemo…again I was devastated! I felt like someone had punched me and knocked the wind right out of me. I had never imagined I would be told this cancer is a systemic disease…I didn’t even know what that was! By now, I am totally Freaking Out! Is this stuff anywhere else in my body?! Again, my mind goes into overdrive with the big question going through my mind…once removed from my body, is this “stuff” going to come back…Am I going to die from this!?

I could still hear Dr. H talking somewhere in the background of my mind…when I got myself focused again I could hear him saying that would do a Mastectomy if that is what I really wanted, but it really was not necessary. He said he could do a “simple” Lumpectomy to remove the two tumors along with the lymph node closest to the cancerous tumor.  He said there would be a very small incision and very minimal change in the breast, but, of course…chemo and radiation would follow as again I was told, it’s the only treatment for this type of cancer.  All the negative, horrifying feelings came flooding back in. – So, so very frightening and so overwhelmingly depressing.

It was so hard to see Phillip’s face. We got home, and he just sat, staring at the ceiling…no TV tonight.  We were sinking into the pit of fear and despair. BreAna was with us during this visit…what was she thinking? What will our son, Dany say?

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  ~ Jeremiah 29:11

I turned to the only option I had…the only place I could go for peace and reassurance – the Word of GOD! One of my devotional readings was about developing a vision of victory in our lives and quoted the Scripture from Jeremiah 29:11…one of my all-time favorites. GOD gave me that Scripture in 2010 when we were on a Christmas family ski trip in Durango, Colorado. Father GOD has plans for me…I Believe!  I must Believe!

One of my other readings reminded me that I must face the future with courage – not just seek it…see it!  And again, it said Do Not Fear…otherwise I am robbing Faith. The reading went on to say that all is well. – Faith is not seeing but Believing and that is what will get me safely over these stormy waters in my life right now. “According to your Faith, be it unto you” (Matthew 9:29). That was the LORD’s order to those who sought healing from HIM. Faith with a childlike attitude.

This was the Encouragement I needed! Thank YOU, LORD,! I will hold on to these nuggets even though I feel like all I got today was bad news. Tomorrow is a new day with fresh new opportunities.

Thank YOU, LORD,!  I Believe!  Help my unbelief!